My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
