oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
