a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
