i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
