That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
i came on her dog
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
