He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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