did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I need water and some morals
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
