You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
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