Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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