Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
