The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
