her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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