A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
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