Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
