sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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