you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
