at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Randomize
