just come out here and I will go home with you...
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
