Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
