Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
