It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
