Kiss
Puke
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
