I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
