so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
