i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
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