then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
