I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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