Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Soap is not a condiment
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
birth control should be required to get into college
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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