Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
