matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
We are two peas in an std pod
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
