So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
Randomize
