He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
