Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
