dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
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