i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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