I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You know, be my cock's hype man.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
