Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
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