So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Randomize
