grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
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