I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
