You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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