when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
