And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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