I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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