She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
