Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
