hotel room ftw
did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
