dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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