nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
