Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
